This year's floats will be led Mardi Gras-style by Angelo Mozilo, CEO of Countrywide Financial, and instead of beads his Loan Shark Cronies will toss out loans you can't refuse to the crowd; Michael Vick will be taking bets on his Dog Fight Float with caged, snarling pit bulls; a Chinese Dry-Cleaning Float will feature Roy Pearson screaming, "Where are my pants? I'm going to sue!"; an Archeological Dig float designed by James Cameron will feature Jesus and Mary's Bones; a Tourette's Syndrome Float will feature radio personality Don Imus, political pundit Ann Coulter, the Reverend Louis Farrakhan, radio talk show host Bill Cunningham, and Dog the Bounty HunterÑall shouting obscenities at the crowd; and a Mayflower Hotel Suite Float featuring New York Governor Eliot "Dickhead" Spitzer surrounded by hookers while promising "I will work hard to win back your trust".

Marching celebrity fool look-alikes will include Senator Larry Craig insisting, "I'm not gay!"; Hogwarts Headmaster Albus Dumbledore insisting, "I am gay"; Cheney Aide Scooter Libby pleading "Pardon me, pardon me!"; disruptive political protestor Andrew Meyer surrounded by cops screaming, "Don't tase me, bro"; ex-Attorney General Alberto Gonzales asserting, "To the best of my recollection, I don't remember anything"; baseball great Roger Clemens protesting, "I never used steroids!"; ex-cop Drew Peterson calling for his missing wife to "Come home, just come home"; contagious TB world traveler Andrew Speaker coughing on the crowd; and a dazed Britney Spears looking for the Halloween Parade.

Color commentary will be provided by ex-Philadephia TV newscaster Alicia Lane in a thong bikini. Security this year will be provided by mercenaries courtesy of Blackwater.

As the parade ends in Union Square, the party begins, featuring live music, food, concessions & entertainment. The Chinese Government will be sponsoring a Food and Drug Concession and a Chinese Pet Food Booth. The USDA will be giving away free hamburgers. Attorney General Michael Mukasey and the CIA will provide free demonstrations of Waterboarding. Sex offender Deb LaFave will run a Day Care Center for paraders' children. And OJ Simpson and his posse will hawk his sports memorabilia to raise money for next year's parade.

We are grateful to the New York State Council on the Arts, National Endowment for the Arts, Mayor Michael Bloomberg, and private funders for their support of this year's parade.